Welcome to my world, where the boardroom meetings often blend seamlessly into the family living room (where my home office is!), and negotiation skills are essential not only in business but also in parenthood. As a mom entrepreneur with five lively boys and an active lifestyle, I’ve found that the art of negotiation is a valuable tool that transcends the office walls and sometimes has more value in conversations the boys than it does with executives. So, follow along for the skills and strategies I’ve honed in business that have helped me navigate the challenges of parenthood and maintain harmony within our bustling household.
What is negotiation:
The most important thing I’ve learned is that negotiation is NOT a debate. It’s actually a very effective problem-solving process with the intention of reaching an agreement where everyone wins. So, if you 
go into a conversation with the right frame of mind, you can provide your children with a valuable give-and-take conversation where you can find common ground and not only solve the issue at hand, but actually build a stronger bond. This shows your children that they can always come to you, work with you, and it opens the door for them to allow you help with their problems as they get older.
Throughout the process, effective communication, active listening, and a willingness to understand the other person’s perspective are crucial for a successful negotiation. It’s also important to be flexible and open to finding creative solutions that benefit all parties involved. Here are my top 3 skills to achieve that:
Top 3 Skills:
- ACTIVE LISTENING! One of the most critical skills in negotiation is active listening. Whether in business or parenting, taking the time to truly understand the other person’s perspective is the first step towards a mutually beneficial solution. Active listening means you are focused, maintaining eye contact, and not interrupting the other person. It’s also helpful to acknowledge their emotions and paraphrase what they’ve said before speaking to give them an opportunity to correct anything you may have misheard.
- CLEAR COMMUNICATION! In both business and parenthood, clear and transparent communication is vital. I’ve found that expressing my needs and expectations openly and honestly fosters trust and cooperation. If you keep your true desires and intended outcome to yourself in an effort to gain leverage in the conversation, it’s very difficult for the other person to actively listen and come up with creative solutions if they don’t know where you’re going with the negotiation.
- FIND A SOLUTION! We all know that sometimes talking to children can get frustrating and we end a conversation with “Just do what I’ve said, because I said so!” No judgement here, I’ve said that a few (hundred) times myself! But I do find that reaching a solution, utilizing the full process, is important even if you land on a solution that is to do what you’ve asked. It helps the boys see the whole process work and encourages them to communicate effectively next time there is a request.
Real Life Example:
One example of a negotiation in our house is when the boys begged for ice cream for breakfast. You do something one time…
Instead of me laughing and telling them it was never going to happen again, we held a negotiation at the breakfast table. I gave them an opportunity to express their desired outcome and they did great! They explained why they wanted the ice cream, why it was beneficial for their happiness that day and they ended with a good solid, “PLLLLEEEEEAAASSSEEEE!!”
I used my turn to let them know that I understood that ice cream would definitely make them happy that day, then I used my opportunity to tell them that other options with a better nutritional balance would make them perform better at school and their baseball game that day.
They argued with the fact that happiness was more important than performance, I argued the reverse and we came to an impasse. In the end, I had to let them know that I heard them, I knew how much they wanted the ice cream, but they were going to have yogurt for breakfast instead. And as I made their breakfast and saw their deflated little faces, I got creative.
So instead, I offered them a yogurt sundae bar!
I made cups of yogurt, dusted them with crushed graham crackers and peanuts, and allowed them to select any fresh fruit they wanted as a topping. I even finished it with some sprinkles (hey, it’s less sugar than ice cream!!) and their little faces lit up. We both won by finding a solution that met everyone’s needs. They went to school well nourished, super happy, and now all their friends have heard about it too. Bonus points for being the cool mom!
Great learning experience for the boys:
This seems like a lot of work, right? It is, but it’s completely worth it when you look at what your children gain from learning the art of negotiation. Involving the boys in certain family decisions not only gives them a sense of responsibility but also encourages them to think critically and make informed choices for the greater good of our family, not based just on their own desires.
The boys are learning that working together and finding compromises is an essential life skill that promotes cooperation, empathy, and understanding. And by being an open and active participant in the negotiation, I am modeling adaptability which teaches the boys the importance of being open to new ideas and approaches. Most of all, the boys are learning that conflicts are a part of life but with this conflict resolution skill, they can now address disagreements constructively and feel successful in their relationships with peers, teachers and anyone else they work with in their lives.
Implementing negotiations in your home:
If you want better negotiations in your house, it takes work and practice, but it’s super easy to get started! Negotiation with five boys often involves setting clear boundaries. It’s essential to establish rules that are fair, consistent, and conducive to a harmonious household. In business and parenting, the goal is to seek win-win solutions by finding compromises and solutions that benefit both parties, rather than one side “winning” at the expense of the other. So start small, even with a negotiation that you already have a great solution for, just to show your children the process and allow them to see that they are going to “win” too when they work with Mom and Dad.
So give it a try and start winning with your kids!